I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
