someone get that fucking seahorse.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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