wrigley field is MILF paradise
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
