He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
