I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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