I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
