If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
