i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
