Can Purell be used as lube?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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