you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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