Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
