I wish I could teleport
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
