but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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