Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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