You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
