I heard we made out
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
