wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
