the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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