i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
