perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
