You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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