I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Michael Bay diarrhea
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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