I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
