I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
