I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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