Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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