i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
