i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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