haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
