Where did you get a picture of my penis
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
