Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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