you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
