clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
