I cannot find my penis.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
