Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
why do cheetos always look like penises
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
