I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
