Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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