Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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