I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
