She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
