We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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