I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
