so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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