A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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