Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Can i not drive my cunt home
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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