it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
