New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
