Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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