Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We are all done wearing pants today
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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