I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
