Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
