Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
