We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
