True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
